Saturday, July 14, 2012
This is what I'm made for. This is why I'm here. I want to forget everything I've ever thought thats petty and self focused or any worry and just hug this girl and love her. God has made me unsatisfied for anything but this. And that is being lost in the village, hugging and kissing and singing songs with, and holding her in my arms - my dying friend, Victoria, emaciated from AIDS. Trying to get this into words is feeling horribly less than adequate. Victoria didn't look like herself, and couldn't even talk when I first saw her on my visit on Wednesday. I was so startled and taken aback. I didn't realize she was this sick. She looked like someone off of a commercial for a charity donation, and seemed like a shell of her vibrant, happy, full of personality, incredibly like able self. Is this really the girl who once went and spent and hour picking up tons of tiny seeds in the dirt that I'd wanted to experiment making jewelry with, only then to walk 30 minutes to my house carrying her heavy baby brother, and a big sugar cane to teach me how to make xima? Even then the Xima takes so much strength and constant whipping that only the strong Makua women can do it right. She tried to show me, but she was a lot stronger than me. Is this the girl who loves to dance at church with me and is vivacious, loud, and bursts into Wong everywhere she goes?! That goes to church every night for prayer and loves to tell people about Jesus everywhere she goes? The thing is,I really....REALLY know this girl. And I've never been so close to someone that has become a shell before. I couldnt see Victoria in there until after many hugs, silent tears, prayers, and kisses, she actually started to get more energetic. And even started singing songs with me and correcting my Portuguese in her cheeky manner. We Sang the song I taught her last year: " Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am an have and ever hope to be". And we sang the song she taught me too: "a cada mana, cada misercordia si e nova" every morning your mercies are new." She said to me she thinks she's going to get better because I'm here. Ahh what a thing to say! She said, "I couldn't even talk when you first got here!" she periodically asks me to pull out a pan for her to spit into. She also said she had been wondering if I was going to return to Pemba because I'd been gone so long. She said she had been thinking, "I'm dying and Tetra isn't here." she said she wished that she could have moved in with me wheni got back. And that she could cook while I am teaching during the day. I think that's an amazing idea, and I'm hoping it can still happen. Oh I just want to tell her over and over how much I love her and have missed her. I did keep telling her. She let me feed her some bread. And actually started playing with my hair, As if I was the one who needed some comforting touch. She said I could sleep there if I wanted to, which I'd like to look into. So Kate and nick and I got her to the hospital yesterday to make sure shes getting medicine. It's been a bit confusing because I don't think she has been taking muchup to this point, and she looks incredibly incredibly ill. Today I helped her get home from the hospital and got her to eat some mashed up banana and avacado, hoping theywould give fat and energy. Then I just sat and tried to let her know she wasn't alone and even to have some fun company, singing and laughing together a bit. Funny how holding a dying friend can put a lot of things into perspective. Especially all my "problems". I look at her and think how pampered I can be, and feel ridiculous for ever worrying about my weight...here this girl is looking like she's starving, and I'm always trying to loose weight. All the things that God brought me here to do, I feel like if it were just to be here to love this girl through her healing it's worth my whole life. I now understand completely why God still thought it was a good idea for me to be here. I can't machine her lying in bed wasting away wondering why I haven't returned like i told her I would. I do actually believe she will be healed. Is hard to say things like that and mean them usually. This girl has shown me she has incredible purpose. It's obvious when you're round her that she is going to be a leader in this culture. I don't believe it's the for her life to end. Please pray with me for her.