Living and loving ( from 3 weeks ago!)

This is a blog I wrote about three weeke ago that i never got to put up!! Thanks for reading.


Had a visit from two of my favorite women here in pemba. I cooked them a special spaghetti meal, and we had a wonderful time together!

This morning it rained. It doesnt rain this time of year often at all. Its beautiful, consistent heavy rain when it does and my tin roof amplifies the sound well. But the difference between my reaction to rain here and at home is that All i can think when it rains here is,"oh God please dont let any of our ladies' rooves cave in." That is a sad reality for a lot of the women in our program. We have a roofing ministry, but its very expensive, takes a lot of volunteers and time. But im so thankful that we are working at literally putting roofs over heads.

Sad cultural realizations:

Last week i was in the city running errands with Chafim. He was buying soap for our babies (ladies, and invalids in the program), I was buying cookies for the women in the ktchen (it was graduation day of the harvest schhol and i knew the ladies would have been working since 4 am to make food for the harvest schhoolers. The are usually sweets, but last year they were only for the harvest schoolers and my friends who had worked so hard, probably ready to keel over, didnt get any sweet treats. So this year God gave me the idea to get them a sweet treat and tell them how much theyre appreciated). As I got back in the car and was waiting for Chafim I noticed 3 little children staring at me. This is common; children either stare in amazement if they dont see many white people, or theyre more used to you and they run up and touch you, or theyre used to you at the base nd they pummel you with hugs and ask you for anything they can see ln your person. These were the first category. I thought at first they were looking at my candy wanting some, and to be honest,that made me feel slightly...tired. When you have people ask you for things all day, sometimes just thinking about it makes you emotionally tired. But i thought, "thats stupid!" got out of the car to give them some candy,  and they started making awful scared sounds and backed away like I had just hurt them. I tried again and the same thing happened and they actually hid behind some men all  standing around and the older had her protective arm around the two little ones. 

I thought they were just scared of white skin, but Chafim explained that some kids are taught that white people are going to kidnap them and sell them. I had no idea. Ive never encountered that before. It broke my heart. And to think I thought they were going to beg for candy. Sobering realities of the past. Thats why makua creates such a breakthrough for connecting to  people. portuguese is the white mans language and me trying to speak makua shows I want to honor them and understand them! I love it so much. God, i wont stop until I see barriers broken down!!

The all too real reality of death in Pemba:

On saturday I had two wonderful friends over for breakfast who were here for the Harvest School: Brittany Harrison, and Lauren Brown. Sandi, my sweet rommate and I were eating with them and having a conversation that was giving us all chills. We were talking about faith for miracles. We were sharing stories of people that had been raised from the dead, had been dead for hours, and either through a wuick prayer or 3 hours of prayer they woke up. One of those stories involved a boy whose head had been crushed  by a truck, his brains had been...more or less splattered on the road. When he was healed 13 hours later, his head somehow regrew, and he had no brain damage. We were so encouraged thinking about how the key to miracles is persistence regardless of what you see. Just keep trying - pray for the impossible things every time. 

Our conversation was interrupted by the sudden sound of sobbing and wailing outside of my house. As we are always ready to try and love those around us and as appaling things seems to happen on a somewhat regular basis here, we jumped to our feet to comfort whoever was wailing. We found a group of woman just a couple of houses away - literally right outside of my home - crying because an 18 year old boy, Alex, had just died. Right at that moment, they had recieved the news. All 3 of us were faced with the immediate reality of our exciting conversations in that moment. Wow. Such is life in Pemba. 

Brittany and I started timidly talking to each other..."I want to pray"..."we've got to pray". Why else would we have just had such a conversation if not to build our faith and prepare for this situation that landed on our laps?? W could have chosen a  illion other topics of discussion. Not a coincidence. Yet, this is the problem, and I guess this is why it helps To not be super emotional or worried about offending like David Hogan, there were weeping women and family members all around us, and we didnt know the boy!! It felt so offensive and rude to think of trying to pray for him. What if he didnt get up? I guess this is what everyone deals with in the face of praying for...a dead person. 

Brittany and I kept asking the lord - "what should I do?" because in the end, my job is just to be personally obedient - not paying attention to what everyone else has chosen to do. As a community who believes in raising the dead, youd think this wouldnt be a difficult request. But in the face of it, it is truly difficult to go there. But Brittany and I were as bold as we had guts to be. We asked. And they said no, that theyd already prayed. Then, we walked up to the door where the family was sitting, which felt rude, but we did it anyway. W kneeled at the doorway, trying to figure out what to do. 

Then they carried the body out, inches away from us wrapped in a sheet. Jesus. Can you imagine? A fresh wave of sobs and wails let out all around us. Tears were streaming down Brittany's face as she so wanted to pray for him. Finally, I said, " brittany, lets continue praying at my house. Remember the centurion in the Bible who said to Jesus, "all you have to do is say the word and my servant will be healed."' our faith was strong. We went and interceded for over 3 hours.  I felt as if a lot of things broke and happened in the spiritual realm. Sandi had had a dream the night before in which someone was holding a hand over Heidi baker's mouth, and we all felt it had to do with this situation....she is on a speakingtour right now, and we felt that this death was a discouragement meant to hold back her words. We prayed against that.

But he didnt wake up. Why? I dont know. But it doesnt shake my faith.  It says in the Bible that all we have to do is believe, and by the mesure we believe, it will be done. But that doesnt explain why they dont get up sometimes. Im not God. But I still believe what He says to be true. Im must keep trying and having radical faith. Im still believing for a complete healing of Victoria. David Hogan spoke her a couple of weeks ago and reminded us that he has seen 30 people,personally, when he prayed, get up after haing been dead. He reminded us that its hard when they dont...but that you have to keep trying. It helps to believe What God says regardless, and not to feel "failure", which,as Csey Long says, doesnt exist in the Kingdom. 

So. This is my life in Pemba. Very real things. Very real opportunities to test what you claim to believe. It was a hard day, but an amazing day, in which I learned what its like to live on this fallen earth - I wont stop until I see heaven's realities come here.

Life and ministry is going very very well. God was right when He told me not to fear and to go where He was sending me. Im already seeing the differences in ME this time - all that He has done to prepare me, and all that He wants to do through me. I see there is a lot of importance in me being here in this timing, and Im anticipating big growth in the ladies and the program over these months. 

Nathalia, my coworker in the Jewelry making class, and I are overhauling the program right now. She has given me the freedom do make almost any changes I think are necessary to make the program what God has planned for it be and put dreams in my heart for it to be. Im waiting to see if we will get to start paying the ladies per project (up to this point, making jewelry is a once a week job in which they recieve two weeks worth amount of food for them and their whole family.) 

God has been speaking to me a lot about giving them the chance to make choices, be adults, be respected, and be like artisans rather than...workers. In abut two weeks we are going to have a group discussion day where all the ladies, nathalia, Filomena (the woman who is on salary to help lead the class) and I talk through the reason we are doing this class/business together, what our dreams are for it, and give them opportunity to share their dreams, thoughts and concerns. I want them to realize that this is an opportunity to learn skills that can change their lives, if they take advantage of the training we are offering.Then we are going to give them opportunity to vote on which technique of jewelry making theyd like to sepcialize in: wire work, simple beading, bedweaving, crochet, coconut, and kapulana hand-sewing projects. They will then be broken into specific skill groups in which they specialize, and I will be working very hard to train these groups well, with a leader for each group. Im so excited to see this become more of THEIR project in which they are making choices, and are doing things that they enjoy (because theyl have chosen which technique they like the best!)

 I also am making plans to do painting with a small group soon. I dont know if anyone has the skills or desire to do it, but I cant wait to find out. God had so many specific words about painting, i cant wait to see how it goes. 

This week I have been very busy: Im organizing all of these changes starting wiht taking all thenJewelry we have been making and making it better qualitt and more durable. Then designign new pieces. Ive designed probably about 10 new pieces. But i also needed to have master example pieces of things we have been making, so Ive been making lots of jewelry. Its a bit time consuming! The  Ive been taking pictures of each piece and using a program on the Ipad to make inventory lists, supply info, and instruction sheets for each piece which im going to translate into portuguese. Ill also add some makua phrases. Then we will print These out for when we have visitors that want to help. This also all aids in them being able to work without me. Ivalso been reorganizing our supplies in bead sizes and trying to phase put any supplies that we dont use alot. I want to makeit somthat we have consistent materials coing drom specific places so that we can have consistent pieces of jewelry! 

Anyway, Im doing well. Spending good time with friends, mozambican and non-mozambican alike. Its normal to have incredible ministry opportunities daily by loving people around me- theres so much opportunity for ministry just walking a foot outside of my house. Everywhere I go there are hurting people that I see and i love seeing them light up with a smile or one Makua phrase constantly walking in the opposite spirit of the white peoples colonialism in the past.  

Pemba at last

July 25th The curse and the blessing of today is that im very sick! Curse: it doesnt feel nice and i needed to be doing some things. Blessing: i can write a blog and get some extra rest time!  Ive been home all day with upchucking and tummy problems. Im feeling a bit better now because my roommate Sandi Nuestadt got me some sprite and crackers! Actually ....she gave me the crackers earlier and I ate about 4, but they didnt stay in my stomach. :( hopefully this last round of 3 crackers, with the help of the sprite....will work out for me.  So - enough about my stomach.... I feel like im at that point where so much has been happening that i dont know where to begin. Guess ill start with the beginning. First week I tried to slowly re-enter this crazy and amazing world. My roommate and I bought a few things for the house like trashcans, ice trays, and matches. My first  night here, I was alone and didnt have sheets for my bed yet, because they were in a bag that Nathalia was keeping for me. So I used a dirty sheet that was still in this house, and covered myself with clothes as blankets - it actually got a little cold. Haha! Pemba always makes one resourceful. It took us a few days as well, to get our water filter working. We had to buy 4 new filters and a new spout. But, hallelujah, we have filtered water now. Friendships and loved ones: But you know i dont care as much about household issues as much as...my friends! The people here. There have been so many excited hugs and kisses and saying in makua "Mi kahoonkelia nyu chinene" (ive missed you so much!). There are so many people to see and connect with that im still running into people that i havent gotten to see yet, and excitedly greeting. There are 90 women in our two classes, so thats a lot of friends and a lot of hugs! Plus the kids i know here, the staff in the kitchen, and who can forget the white people here that are missionaries as well!? Ive gotten to be around Nick and Cate and baby Lily quite a lot, which has been the joy of my heart. They are so wonderful (hope youre reading this. right now and you can know how much i LOOOOVE you guys!!!!) And ive gotten to rconnect with Heidi a bit - she remembers me, which is really lovely. Ha! So may people com and go as short term missionaries, and ive been gone a long time, so that's a feat. She's just as amazing as ever,and again, iv been reminded of how much her obedience to the voice of the Lord and the nudges of the Holy Spirit can break through such huge barriers like culture, language, and amount of people youre leading. What an honor it is to be able to learn from her and be included in her Iris family!!! Thank you, lord. Ive instantly reconnected with my closest friends like Filomena and elena in the kitchen, and Emilda and maria from my tuesday class. Filomena continues to amaze me with the depth of friendship, trust and intimacy we can have with each other. Its always amazing and comforting to be reminded that the people you felt like you could trust are still exactly who you think they are. Do you know what i mean? Here in pemba, there can be startling things to learn about friends you think you know, all of the time...like theyve been doing something deceitful, or have bought into some of the cultural pitfalls like taking a sick child to a witchdoctor. Or even the sexual sin that just seems so integrated into life here. There have been a few ladies who are in our program, husbandless, who end up pregnant. Im sure occasionally that is due to a horrible situation that they were victims of, but usually its because they have just had a man around for a bit. Its actually common for young girls here to be taught that its better to have more than one man, because youll have more provision. Its hard and heartbreaking to learn more and more about the deep rooted trials and issues of this culture. But God is bigger. And its amazing to see the "success stories". And there are TONS because of what Heidi and theIris family have sacrificed for all these years. I have to remind myself sometimes that these issues are why God has brought me here. The purity that God has granted to me is a gift. I know affects these beautiful ladies around me, and that is part of the thing that attracts them to me. I like to be able to love the hard ones, that arent easy to love. And isnt that the point? "if you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same...but love your enemies, and do good and lend, expecting nothing in return..." luke 6:32 Oh God, let this be said of me. It's always easier to love the ones that treat you well. jesus let me love the tough ones well!! Anyway, it is good to have someone that you feel at rest with after a long day. And im so thankful that filomena is that for me. Yesterday i sat and ate with her and we just had a huge heart to heart, intermingled with joking and learning makua. She actually opened up about something she hadn't told me before - her husband used to get drunk and has beaten her 6 times. But she threatened to divorce him and he stopped drinking. Its been 6 years since that last happened, hallelujah. Shes a strong woman. Im so glad she held her ground and didnt allow that to continue.  Thank you, lord.  She also told me that she stood up for me! I had told her the other day that, as is common, id had one of the men that works here ask me to marry him. Before he had asked me my name. HA.I told him, dont you think its a problem if youre asking me to marry you and you dont know my name yet? Filomena went and scolded that man yesterday! HA! I love it. She said," you shouldnt treat her like that, shes a missionary and a woman of God, and she deserves respect! Dont make her want to go home to the U.S! Haha! That touched me so incredbily. What a friend! Really, that meant so much to me. And she brought me some pastries on monday - her husband works in a bakery. Theyre probably really expensive for anyone who lives here. I love it when people give me little gifts - its so special. Victoria finally got the correct tests that should let them know what kind of medication she can have. Im feeling a lot of hope about it. i hqvent been ale to see her since last saturday, but im hoping to visit, just to sit with her, sing songs and love her, is weekend.  Visits!!: if youve ever rrqs my blog before, youll know that part of my ministry is visitng friends in the surrounding villages. So far ive only been on one visit, but it was wondrful. However, Ive also found one of my new favorite things: inviting my mozambican friends to MY house! I love going into the villqge, but this is so fun, because I get to treqt them like they treat me. Cook for them, bless them, allow them to see some of ,y culture. Last week i invited Emilda Fausto to my house. If youve not eard her story, ahe is a women who came to us homeless, rejected and pregnqnt after her first husband hqd sold ht another mn only to be rejected by that one when she got pregnant. Her life has so chqnge since being a part of the Jewelry class wnd her whole countenqnce is just rdiqnt and bequtiful. I invited her and kids to my house last saturday. It was so wonderful. I made some spaghetti, some cucumber salad, and cut up some apples. Its fun to think about giving them things they dntusully get to wt, like fresh apples and cucumbers. I usually dont buy apples much, myself, because they are expensive here. I wndhow often she gets them? I asked her if shed ever had them before and she said they had. The thing I love aout Emilda is that she is so kind and eet. Shes like a cild almost - and I suppose she is one of the ones that God has sent me to to mother. He has talked a lot aout beng a mother here, and I think thats prbably accurate to think she is one that Im called to mother. thank you, God! She acutally speaks mostly makua, which is anther reason I feel ale to be closer to her know thanlast year - i wouldnt have been able to converse with her as much last year. ok - so picture this sweet mozambican woman, and 4 kids sitting around a tableusing forks and spoons to eat spaghetti. HA - if youve ever seen the way they eat, youd know thats a funny and differnt sight. They usually always a with their hands, and usually use rice or xima to scoop up their food. They were all so well-mannered and polite and the kids sat the whole time without complaining. It was just beautiful. Then we played crda together. Something so uniting and smoly...fun. Its always nice after spending a few days seeing the hardships and having requests for help from people, to just have fun with mozambicans. This is what I love. This is what Im called to do: break down barriers that make us feel like we arent both mans and sons/daughters of God. If both sides can get this, its a liberating and beautiful thhing that solves many problems in one. Sandi and I sent them home wiht some balls, a toothbrush and lipstick for momma Emilda, and some hair clips, as well as photos of them from last year. The visit was quite a succes, and shes already asking me when I can visit HER house. Jewelry Classes:  Are going well, but we are thinking that we need to overhaul everything after the Harvetschool. There are lots of little things that dont seem to be working as well as they could be, and Nathalia and I both have a heart to see the women truly owning what theyre doing and enjoying it. So i think were going to let them choose what category of jewelry making they would like to emphasize in, then get those groups really trained well on that particular technique, whether its simple beading, beadweaving, wirework, or hand sewing projects. Im excited to try and break Down more barriers and get this whole thing to be THEIRS. :) im excited. Pray for us as we are transitioning!! story of the week: Last friday as we were in class, nathallia seemed distressed and left early. She told me later ( since i was teaching class) that one of our ladies'  daughters had been taken out of their home in the night by a 70 year old witch doctor. He molested her and they found her somewhere away from the house traumatized and wounded. I teared up hearing the story and was so thankful that nathalia had gone and taken a team of visitors to pray for and comfort her and her mom and sister. This little girl is only 5 years old and when they found her, she wasnt able to pee easily for a couple of days. On sunday at church, I saw her mom, Isabel alface, one of my favorites (one of 90 favorites ;)) , and went and sat by her on the floor. Her little girls were both on her lap - the 5 year old was asleep and had tear streaks on her face. I could only imagine she was still in trauma shock. After a little while Isabel wanted to shift because her legs were hurting from the girl sleeping on them- I offered to take her, wondring if she would be too scared to be with anyone other than her mom. She let   Me take her and the girl just conked out completely at ease on my lap. I took the opportunity to love her and pray for her. The next day at our devotion time with Heidi, I did the same thing - I held her as much as I could and prayed for her. What struck me, and made me SO thankful is that she felt comfortable with me. She was completely relaxed and even peaceful. It was interesting to see that she eventually was smiling and laughing by the end of the meeting!  How do you...how is this normal life here? The mom and even our workers seemed slightly casual about the whole scenario. Its so normal to have awful things happen here, that I think they Dont get as startled as us westerners do. Jesus, please restore and redeem her and the women here in Pemba. Other, happy, story!: Also at our devotional time, i got to see my friend Maria, and her little daughter Regina! She is definitely one of my closest friends in the class, and we call each other "npuanaga' which means friend. I call everyone that really, but there are a few who we really call each other that like a nickname and she is one of them - my best friend, Filomen is the other.  Her little dqughter is crazy but so loveable! She has an interesting personality and would wreak havoc on our classroom by pulling on everything she could reach - quite often pulling over buckets of beads onto the floor. But she also looooved the worship and would lift her arms and spin in a cute little circle in the very middle of the room while we were singing. Soooo cute. She is probably about 2 now or almost - she is speaking a little bit now. And here is the most amazing thing: she was saying my name! And saying "npuamaga Tetra" to me. It was the cutest thing in the world. She remembered me, and picked up on the fact that her mom calls me npuanaga. So cute, and made me feel quite special! Prayer requests: -pleas keep believing and expecting miracles with me for Victoria's life. And pray that I will know how to handle the changes in her and still treat her like...my good friend. Not a "sick person". Oh, I so want to be there for her in this time!! - please pray i dont stay sick! That I get better tonight! - i find its difficult sometimes for me to take dreams, and ideas and turn them into reality. Please pray with me that God will give me the mind of Christ to know how to make simple steps to see through all the divine ideas He has given me for this time!! - so far, i havent hd a good internet conection - i want to get an internet stick, but im not sure if it works on my little Ipad, as it doesnt have a usb port. It's really really important to my heart health to be able to talk with family and friends regularly! Please pray that ill find a solution - i know my papa God has good gifts for me!  - please also pray that I will feel like I have family here on the bse in this Iris community. i still feel a bit of a lack of community here, which is discourging. Will you pray with me that I know what steps to take to build up or community? Thank you for your love, thank you for your encourgement. Thank you for bein with me while Im here. You all are, you know. Much love - tetra

Victoria

This is what I'm made for. This is why I'm here. I want to forget everything I've ever thought thats petty and self focused or any worry and just hug this girl and love her. God has made me unsatisfied for anything but this. And that is being lost in the village, hugging and kissing and singing songs with, and holding her in my arms - my dying friend, Victoria, emaciated from AIDS. Trying to get this into words is feeling horribly less than adequate. Victoria didn't look like herself, and couldn't even talk when I first saw her on my visit on Wednesday. I was so startled and taken aback. I didn't realize she was this sick. She looked like someone off of a commercial for a charity donation, and seemed like a shell of her vibrant, happy, full of personality, incredibly like able self. Is this really the girl who once went and spent and hour picking up tons of tiny seeds in the dirt that I'd wanted to experiment making jewelry with, only then to walk 30 minutes to my house carrying her heavy baby brother, and a big sugar cane to teach me how to make xima? Even then the Xima takes so much strength and constant whipping that only the strong Makua women can do it right. She tried to show me, but she was a lot stronger than me. Is this the girl who loves to dance at church with me and is vivacious, loud, and bursts into Wong everywhere she goes?! That goes to church every night for prayer and loves to tell people about Jesus everywhere she goes? The thing is,I really....REALLY know this girl. And I've never been so close to someone that has become a shell before. I couldnt see Victoria in there until after many hugs, silent tears, prayers, and kisses, she actually started to get more energetic. And even started singing songs with me and correcting my Portuguese in her cheeky manner. We Sang the song I taught her last year: " Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am an have and ever hope to be". And we sang the song she taught me too: "a cada mana, cada misercordia si e nova" every morning your mercies are new." She said to me she thinks she's going to get better because I'm here. Ahh what a thing to say! She said, "I couldn't even talk when you first got here!" she periodically asks me to pull out a pan for her to spit into. She also said she had been wondering if I was going to return to Pemba because I'd been gone so long. She said she had been thinking, "I'm dying and Tetra isn't here." she said she wished that she could have moved in with me wheni got back. And that she could cook while I am teaching during the day. I think that's an amazing idea, and I'm hoping it can still happen. Oh I just want to tell her over and over how much I love her and have missed her. I did keep telling her. She let me feed her some bread. And actually started playing with my hair, As if I was the one who needed some comforting touch. She said I could sleep there if I wanted to, which I'd like to look into. So Kate and nick and I got her to the hospital yesterday to make sure shes getting medicine. It's been a bit confusing because I don't think she has been taking muchup to this point, and she looks incredibly incredibly ill. Today I helped her get home from the hospital and got her to eat some mashed up banana and avacado, hoping theywould give fat and energy. Then I just sat and tried to let her know she wasn't alone and even to have some fun company, singing and laughing together a bit. Funny how holding a dying friend can put a lot of things into perspective. Especially all my "problems". I look at her and think how pampered I can be, and feel ridiculous for ever worrying about my weight...here this girl is looking like she's starving, and I'm always trying to loose weight. All the things that God brought me here to do, I feel like if it were just to be here to love this girl through her healing it's worth my whole life. I now understand completely why God still thought it was a good idea for me to be here. I can't machine her lying in bed wasting away wondering why I haven't returned like i told her I would. I do actually believe she will be healed. Is hard to say things like that and mean them usually. This girl has shown me she has incredible purpose. It's obvious when you're round her that she is going to be a leader in this culture. I don't believe it's the for her life to end. Please pray with me for her.

Victoria

This is what I'm made for. This is why I'm here. I want to forget everything I've ever thought thats petty and self focused or any worry and just hug this girl and love her. God has made me unsatisfied for anything but this. And that is being lost in the village, hugging and kissing and singing songs with, and holding her in my arms - my dying friend, Victoria, emaciated from AIDS. Trying to get this into words is feeling horribly less than adequate. Victoria didn't look like herself, and couldn't even talk when I first saw her on my visit on Wednesday. I was so startled and taken aback. I didn't realize she was this sick. She looked like someone off of a commercial for a charity donation, and seemed like a shell of her vibrant, happy, full of personality, incredibly like able self. Is this really the girl who once went and spent and hour picking up tons of tiny seeds in the dirt that I'd wanted to experiment making jewelry with, only then to walk 30 minutes to my house carrying her heavy baby brother, and a big sugar cane to teach me how to make xima? Even then the Xima takes so much strength and constant whipping that only the strong Makua women can do it right. She tried to show me, but she was a lot stronger than me. Is this the girl who loves to dance at church with me and is vivacious, loud, and bursts into Wong everywhere she goes?! That goes to church every night for prayer and loves to tell people about Jesus everywhere she goes? The thing is,I really....REALLY know this girl. And I've never been so close to someone that has become a shell before. I couldnt see Victoria in there until after many hugs, silent tears, prayers, and kisses, she actually started to get more energetic. And even started singing songs with me and correcting my Portuguese in her cheeky manner. We Sang the song I taught her last year: " Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am an have and ever hope to be". And we sang the song she taught me too: "a cada mana, cada misercordia si e nova" every morning your mercies are new." She said to me she thinks she's going to get better because I'm here. Ahh what a thing to say! She said, "I couldn't even talk when you first got here!" she periodically asks me to pull out a pan for her to spit into. She also said she had been wondering if I was going to return to Pemba because I'd been gone so long. She said she had been thinking, "I'm dying and Tetra isn't here." she said she wished that she could have moved in with me wheni got back. And that she could cook while I am teaching during the day. I think that's an amazing idea, and I'm hoping it can still happen. Oh I just want to tell her over and over how much I love her and have missed her. I did keep telling her. She let me feed her some bread. And actually started playing with my hair, As if I was the one who needed some comforting touch. She said I could sleep there if I wanted to, which I'd like to look into. So Kate and nick and I got her to the hospital yesterday to make sure shes getting medicine. It's been a bit confusing because I don't think she has been taking muchup to this point, and she looks incredibly incredibly ill. Today I helped her get home from the hospital and got her to eat some mashed up banana and avacado, hoping theywould give fat and energy. Then I just sat and tried to let her know she wasn't alone and even to have some fun company, singing and laughing together a bit. Funny how holding a dying friend can put a lot of things into perspective. Especially all my "problems". I look at her and think how pampered I can be, and feel ridiculous for ever worrying about my weight...here this girl is looking like she's starving, and I'm always trying to loose weight. All the things that God brought me here to do, I feel like if it were just to be here to love this girl through her healing it's worth my whole life. I now understand completely why God still thought it was a good idea for me to be here. I can't machine her lying in bed wasting away wondering why I haven't returned like i told her I would. I do actually believe she will be healed. Is hard to say things like that and mean them usually. This girl has shown me she has incredible purpose. It's obvious when you're round her that she is going to be a leader in this culture. I don't believe it's the for her life to end. Please pray with me for her.

Pemba tomorrow

Back to pemba tomorrow!! Can't really beleive it. HA! What a journey its been to return. Many of you know what sll its involved. Lots of healing, questioning, preparing, waiting, learning, trusting, and strengthening. But here it is! And Its a help to remember all the promises,dreams, visions, ideas and plans God has brought me to remind of the goodness He has prepared. Right now I'm in south Africa. Here's what I wrote yesterday. There's something about Johannesburg that really Brings something to life inside of me. I see the strange problems that are happening here: the black and white having obvious racism in daily life, the township homes that seem like a big cement/brick pile of tiny homes, and everywhere I've been, the workers are black and the buyers of goods etc are white. I don't know if it's because I come from the outside that it's so obviously a huge problem to me, or not. I know many see it as a problem. It's just strange how "progressive" our world can seem to be,until you see the same problems over and over. Of course we have similar problems in the U.S., but I guess at least pretend that we're tring to have equality. I know you can get used to horrible things after a while when you live around them. For example, it doesn't surprise me to hear about the women in Pemba having holes in their roofs, or one bed for themselves and 4 children. Of course I still feel compassion for these scenarios, but I sort of expect the awful truths. I wonder if that's what it's like for people here. To expect the black people to be mistreated. I've been intrigued by townships for years. When I think about them, it stirs something up in me...the desire to see what the culture is like in there, and to break down the separations betweeblack and white. Yesterday I was in a shop and this man was harshly repeating over and over to the black woman teller, "go faster, faster, I need you to go faster." with her ringing and bagging. She seemed to be trying as hard as she could be to move her hands as quickly as possible . She seemed more flustered snd accepting of hos behavior than i would have expected with such treatment, slmost as if she was accepting of his behavior. I looked at my teller and made at a face that would say, "really?!" and she didn't respond. But then I looked st her, said her name on her name tag and said, "Claudia, have a wonderful day." looking into her eyes, desiring that she knew that...that I know she is a person. She had an interesting reaction, she sort of did a "snap out of it" type of thing and looking at me as if she realized i was there, habing been slightly engrossed in what was happening next to her. She looked as if she understood i was sad and feeling compassion for the girl next to her, as well as wanting to break through some sort of barrier between worker and customer. I hope she could see that I was wanting to look through the Junk and just see a person. It was a lovely moment, in which I felt a lot happened under the surface. I had a word last year from David Wagner saying that he saw me being in south Africa in "Coming months" and that he saw me holding black hands and white together making a connection. So interesting that that word coincides with desires that I already have. Probably because God Was actually talking through David Wagner and already knew those desires were in me.  I don't kow how that word is going to happen, but maybe in the small ways that's interact with people and love them today it will.  I have the most amazing opportunity today!! I met an amazing woman yesterday named Juliette who has a booth in a market selling ahead woven jewelry it's her mom Esther ;wo apparently knows every stitch...!) oh Jesus, I fell in love with these two immediately. Very genuine people. Juliette had me sit down. Ext to her hole she was beading. I told her that I do this too. And that it so excited me to watch! And told her about teaching in Mozambique. She actually, then asked me if I would want to learn from her and her mother! I said .....um YES!!! She said that she does it often. And that I can sit and learn with them while they're selling. And that she would only charge 100 rand. Which is a little ore than 10 dollars. I said that's too little...because she was offering to teach from 830 to 5. !! For that little. So I said I'd pay her 200 rands, and that I would loooove to.  I'm on my way there now. ---That was yesterday. Today I'm hanging around trying t get ready for tomorrow. I've bought my bandsaw (YES!) and am haing a lot of trouble figuring out how to get it there, but I will. And I'm going t practice Makua, and try to spend a lot of time with God. Jewelry making yesterday was so amazing'!!!!!! Juliette's mother is the one who taught me everything, and she was such a fun woman. Ok, picture this...sitting in a market, next to a cute little woman whose main language is Zulu and therefore has the classic beautiful African accent ( pronouncing words like " seelva" instead of "silver"), behind us are all of the amazing NDBELE beading pieces that she sells, there aren't many customers so I get to see the real life's of the market stall owners - all chatting in Zulu, laughing, sharing their beans rice and chicken lunches. I learn a few words like thank you and hello (thank you sounds like cowabunga haha - its "ngyabunga") and also find out that word for learning is almost the same as in Makua ."ofunda". Her friends kept coming up to chat and I'd here them saying spring about me, learning, and I'd perk up and say "ofunda"! They'd laugh! Haha - you now me, I love using little words I learn to rattle people's cages and get them to know I care about their culture. It was launch a lovely time. Though my Mac started to really hurt after a few hours. I can forget to move when I'm really getting into something crafty. And I was looking down the whole time. Esther showed me sme tricks I hadn't known before, and I learned two stitches. Ahhh....what a great gift God gave me. As I head to Pemba tomorrow here are the things I feel: - a surreal feeling like I don't realllly understand that I'll be there. - excited to see my family of sorts there!! - nervous about...all that I've been through since last time and hoping anda believing thatGod really has prepared me to be ready to be on the Mission field again - excited about the coconut class - and somehow not feeling prepared as much as I think i "should" be for the amount of time I've been preparing to be there. A lost of those things are ridiculous. Would you please pray with me that I'll forget the ridiculous, and hold on to the truth and joy of Gods faithfulness? I realized something this morning: comparing how I feel now to how I felt when with my family for the last couple of weeks...I realize that I sort of feel like I'm "on my own". When with my dad and siblings, I know that I have a bad up of sorts if I have any problems, or even don't have enough provision...whatever, if I have any worries I felt safe and provided for. So how is it that I've forgotten that God does those things for me as well? I should actually feel no worried or anxieties if I wasn't living uner some lie that says I can't trust God to provided everything I need. I don't like that!! God, please restore to me a perfect trust in your goodness and faithfulness to me! I do haven't, I just have to chose it sometimes. And it's good that I realized that I wasn't..believing that right now! S0,I thank you for your prayers! I can't WAIT to hug all the amazing beautiful Friends waiting for me in Pemba Ahhh!!!!!! Filomena, victoria, Emilda, messiajse, here I come!!! Love you all Tetra

A little sharing of why and how I'm in Scamdinavia and how...God is good

My experience of 5 days in England that I just finished reinforces my conviction to always be obedient to the Lords promptings. It was such an incredible blessing and such amazing preparation for these days of intense ministering that im walking into. I am now believing that this current part of travel in Scandinavia with my family and community choir prove to be fruitful and covered inJesus' promise and goodness as well. Its REALLy been on my heart (probably because i always want my heart to be understood, and never want anyone to feel taken advantage of or disrespected. I know so many have probably not understood why I haven't gotten to Pemba yet), to explain why ive gone on this trip even though it seems counter-intuitive to me getting to Pemba. Would you allow me to share those reasons, and get to know me and allow me to tell you how I just HAVe to follow Jesus! And that I truly desire to honor my family of Christian brothers and sisters who do such an amazing job of supporting me emotionally and spiritually? Thank you! The situation in which I ended up traveling before getting to Pemba is this: Over the months of January through march I was, trying to be patient, and hopeful while waiting to have response to my question to the pemba base leaders : did they agree lthat it was good timing for me to be back in Pemba in April.  I was glad to be where I was (in the U.S in a season of healing, growing, and preparation), but I felt a lot of....i felt unsettled not knowing when I would be leaving. One of the issues was that I couldn't get ahold of anyone because many of the leaders were on much needed vacations (had no email responses for around 2 months!)  Another thing that was in the mix for me was that my family had convinced me at Christmas that I should be on the, possibly final, 6 year annual family trip as it could be one of the last chances to be together unencumbered. The plan was that we would sing in the big performance with my dad's Master Choral community choir and orchestra in Scandinavia, and then add 5 days to that to be just family in Russia (none of us have been there, and have always wanted to go).  Obviosuly i was worried about this travelling conflicting with my prompting to be back in Pemba as soon as God made way for me to return and saving money to do so, . My dad was the biggest in helping me make the decision to go on the journey despite those worries. After I explained my worries and how I just didn't know if this type of trip would be wise for me with trying to save money for Africa, and me not wanting to accept him paying for it (he always wants to) He said, "tetra, you always try to say no to my gifts- just accept it."This almost sounded like Something Daddy God was trying to get me to understand as well.  And as we were all emotionally talking it through, I started to see how important this is; being with my family and making time for them. If I can't love my family well, how can I love the poor well? My siblings all wanted me to as well. So it was decided that dad would make the way for it to happen and pay for me to be there. It's such an honor and blessing, and of course I feel as I I don't deserve it....and I don't.but just like our amazing heveanly father, He wants to "lavish" love on me. Wow. Thank you dad.  My plan that I felt God give the "go ahead" for was to go to Pemba in April, and then meet my family in Scandinavia or Russia and then return to Pemba after and continue on in Pemba for another 6 months. But, I didn't get word back from Pemba for...a very long time. Sometimes communication can be difficult with the base, unfortunately. So once I did get ahold of leaders there, it was too late to get there in April. They thought it wisest for me to come after the family trip, to make it less complicated. I agreed that this was wise!  With that extra time, along with doing jewelry classes and being with friend, i decided to see if I would be able to spend time with my close friend Sophie in England as I new that a round trip ticket from Nashville to London would be the cheapest way to get to Pemba  (I found a $ 50 flight to Denmark, and it was overall probably. $200 cheaper that way than getting one way tickets to Denmark then to south africa - I know,it's complicated - but trust me it was cheaper hallelujah!)  With all travel decisions I talked to God about it. Given the calling that God has so clearly defined in my life with the repetitive words regarding travel "all over the globe"' I've started to learn what it feels like when God is putting a trip on my heart, and that there will be great purpose for it, even if I don't know what it is. I first felt this with my huge prompting to go to Pemba for the harvest school, followed by my trips like going to the iris reunion in California ( one of the most spirit lead, miraculous journeys in which I went with ,a one way ticket and had completely miraculous provision at exactly the ,right times through the whole trip and DID make it home in the end), and my trip to one thing cinference this last New years that so affected me in amazing amazing ways. I had this feeling about going to visit Sophie. I knew with my mind that Sophie is a huge encouragement to me in being simple: loving Jesus. I also knew that...I love her! And that ,we had so much amazing time together with  the women in pemba last summer (she wssin the harvest school, and volumteered eith our jewelry class) what I felt in the Spirit was a "go" , a peace, and a provision. These are usually my signs to make me know that it's the right decision. Basic, simple - simple faith and trusting daddy God.  So, that leads me to the actual england trip....  Oh Jesus. I love you. He did have good things planned for both sophie and i that were so invaluable. It will be hard for me to put into words the level of importance, but it truly was. God has been so faithful and so good to me, but one of thelast puzzle pieces in being ready for Pemba has been this: i really have been struggling with feeling a distance in my intimacy with Jesus. This is so incredibly important in ministry and In Pemba. Wheni first arrived, I was so happy to be with her, but seriously felt dull, and a bit...just down. I explained to Sophie how I haven't been feeling close to Jesus and haven't been feeling like myself as much, even though God has been giving me visions and encounters with His presence- I was missing JESUS. Oh, by the way, Sophie just happens to live in a CHRISTIAN RETREAT CENTER in An incredibly beautiful part of England by the sea. The scenery includes amazing incredible old gardens, trees, cliffs, and old charming homes. The center has an amazing peace that you can feel walking on the premises. And, God was so right about being around Sophie - her simple love for Jesus is so contagious. She reminded me of how to just look at Jesus and Jesus alone. That's the point of all this, folks. It really is! If you don't feel like you feel close to Jesus, himself, ask Him how you can get to Him. Try spending time just internally looking at Jesus, and not the rest of the...stuff.   Wow. How amazing it is, the way it feels to be close to the lord. It's as if I was Slowly having a film of plastic coating pulled off of me over those first few days in Norfolk. Sophie and I prayed for each other one night, and she has this amazing prophetic wod for me about Angels taking me by force out of a house of "doubt" and bringing me into hope. You have no idea how accurate a picture that is of how I'd been feeling and how much I felt I just needed outside help to force me out of the funk. That night I had a dream in which I was in my old house from high school. The house I went through parents divorcing,  mom remarrying, siblings moving out and leaving me the only child for the first time. In the dream there were s many details about the house that I hadn't remembered in real life for years, like the exact type of blinds I had in my bed room and the color of our bathtub. Ha! My dreams are never so accurate. In the dream, a tornado came and knocked the house down around me and my sister. The dream ended in a girl from grace center teaching me and sme others that had survived the tornado some ballet dance moves. I know it sounds all a little strange,but let me tell you; this dream so excited me!! It was is if Sophie's word over me had bee reiterate by God in this dream, and I so i felt Gods hand and encouragement in the dream. (I felt the significance was that God was the tornado, He wrecked the "old" things, and the old me,I.e. my old house and fears and pains, and then I learned how to dance again. I was forced out of my house of doubt and brought into hope and new things).  I can't tell you how much I remembered that 1. GOD IS REAL AND SPEAKS CLEARLY. Wow - I so felt like God was speaking right to me and was astounded nc again by His reality. 2. I remembered how simple it is to love and trust in Jesus, and how that's all my life is truly about.  I've felt so different sicne then. Ahhh - it's so nice to spend time with my Jesus. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness. Thank you Jesus for all that you do, and will do and what you're going to do for my friends in Pemba through me and through our love. I also got to really encourage Sophie by processing through some of her experiences in Pemba through talking about the women etc, I started to remember how much God has put the women on my heart, has so brought me into a love and understanding for their culture, and how He has asked me to fight for these some that not many are fighting for. Oh, I'm SO ready to see their breakthroughs in this season!! YES So many other loly rings happened whilei was there as well. I'll let you imagine the rest. The trip I'm now on, I'm really looking forward to seeing Gods goodness reign. I can't wait to see the little nuggets and amazing things God has for my family in this time. And I'm loving allowing God to let me sme of the people in this choir as well, whom I don't know very well.  Thank you for letting me share, and for supporting me even when the way that I've been going about things just looks different than most missionaries. Good things God is so encouraging to me about the fact that its ok that my life looks different. He has said s many times through other people that's have anincredibleunique calling, an incredibly unique ministry, and not to ever feel lesser, because God planned and intended it to be this way.  I'll bein Pemba very soon - thank you for walking with me, and paring for me, supporting me, walking through my real life STUFF, and allowing me to be a daughter of the King who is learning how to trust and obey!  Love you all, tetra

Dreams, Visions, prophetic words = GO TO PEMBA!

Hello everyone! God has been doing amazing things as usual. As you know, Im leaving in 2 weeks to go out of the country, starting with a trip with a chamber choir and orchestra that Im going to be singing with in Scandanavia, then followed by my retrun to Pemba, Mozambique where I’lll be continuing to teach Jewelry making to the widows and moms there, as well as begin a new and smaller class where we make jewelry out of coconut shells (a local resource yay!).

God has been doing a TON to get me prepared. I feel like every time I’m at church He is doing something life changing. I have a bunch of stories that I haven’t been sharing about what He’s been doing – and I wanted to share a couple. (Some of you may have been wondering what He’s been doing, because you’ve seen me at church wailing my guts out and looking pretty weird – well HERE’S THE EXPLANATION!!)

I’ll start with what happened this last weekend At the “More” Conference at Grace Center:

I went through a “fire tunnel” which is just a funny way of saying that a lot of people pray for you at one time, and it somehow ends up being way more impactful . I started feeling God’s presence incredibly strongly and it was overwhelming. I couldn’t walk after walking just part of the way through this line of prayers, and I my arms were  kind of faliling around uncontrollably! I had to get on the ground, and I felt like I was just being filled with electric shockwaves and It made me want to shout as loud as I could so that I wouldn’t just burst open! I noticed that the noises I was making sounded like I was in pain, almost like childbirth pains, but I wasn’t feeling any pain. I also felt like I HAD to take quick short breaths, also like in childbirth. It was definitely strange…but I’m getting used to how strange God can be when He brings me incredible breakthroughs and Revelations. Just like it was incredibly strange in the Pentecost for different languages to be spoken, flames of fire to be on their heads, and for people to think they were drunk even though it was 10 in the morning. I then had a picture in my head, and saw myself pregnant with a globe in my stomach. It was such a vivid picture. I heard the Lord say that I was pregnant with the Nations.

Then I saw a black child (in my mind’s eye). I heard the say the phrase: “THE FIRST OF MANY NATIONS”. And I knew that I was birthing Mozambique as the first of many Nations that God is calling me to.  This lines up with many things that God has said to me before, including : “You are God’s gypsy, and your people group are without border and without number.” (my friend Deb’s Ford said this when she prayed for me)…“Through your meekness you are inheriting the earth; Everywhere you go is your inhereitence, and you’re taking land”. (Jan Wigley) “I saw many world travels around the world –east to west, and north to south and kind up into – its going to be like deposits of culture and deposits of the divine” (David Wagner)  “I saw you running across the earth with children and people – you were wearing a dress with native shoes – and you were running across the earth in the dirt and the barren places bringing the love of Jesus and the heart of the Lord.” (Grace Center prophetic team)…”there is much ground that you are going to cover with the lord. And as you go through this territory…there are mutli colors all over you and as you walk the colors flow off of you. The Lord has given you these colors that are going to leave the mark where you’ve been; Where there’s been brown places with no color and its been barren, you will leave your mark -people are going to know the Lord, and that the colors of the lord are going to be left behind. (Grace Center prophetic team)”

 Mozambique, is mine and it's first of  my many nations!!! Hurray!!

The second thing I want to share, is a little more...strange and an intimate experience for me. But I think it's HUGE in my life. It's hard to find words for thnigs like this, but here goes:

A few weeks a go at church, we had an amazing night. The speaker,was talknig about being hungry for the Lord, and how she had felt as if her hunger had been fading, but recently God had stirred her up in a "personal revival". I related to this incredibly. she had us shout the words "Wakey wakey" over ourselves, even though it felt incredibly silly, it IMMEDIATELY affected me, and I felt like I was going to explode with god's presence. I started yelling the liudest I ever have in church and felt like I had to or I would just burst! Here is some of what I journaled the next morning - 

"I remember my complete lack of inhibitions when I spent 3 weeks at the revival in Kansas in 2010 and at my harvest school and ive forgotten that kind of inhibition. Im taking it back and claiming the childlikeness.

Last night I was able to do it for the first time since being in Iris culture – woooow. I realize that part of the thing that’s affected me has been not being in that culture. But also because of having to return to my “daily life” after the Harvest school, I can see that I was discouraged and disappointed by having to not let God do things in me due to my circumstances. This is why I have to stop having apologies for what God is doing in me. Heidi Baker doesn’t apologize for looking strange in her complete abandonment to loving the lord, and that’s why she’s so close to Him. This is what Im going to do too. No more apologies.

Last night I felt God's presence so incredibly, and got so much closer to heaven than I have EVER before.

 And I feel like I saw angels all around me. I was sooo close to seeing Him, and I even think I was in heaven.I had a memory of when I was in the prayer hut in Pemba and how I got really really close to heaven for the first time, close to a vision. And I started to feel that same way but a step further last night – I got sooo hungry for heaven and so close. I think I was there."

Soon after this yelling ensued, I started BAWLING. bawliong because I was hungry for the Lord and wanted more hunger and was so sad that anything would have cut me short from getting CLOSE to HIM! Here's an explanation of what was going on internally:

At first I just felt something breaking as if dullness were being torn a part and passions reignited (accompanied by yelling that was somewhat ridiculous). Then I just started having all of these realizations of how I've allowed things to affect me - disappointment, doubt, fear of man judgement. And God so stirred up my hunger as in the days of the beginning when I was falling in love with Jesus. And then I started to realize how much I was struggling with the awareness that people could hear me yelling and wailing my guts out and I had a false compassion on them - worrying that they would stumble because I was so strange. That I realized was really just a fear of man. I moved to the back of the roomso I could be less self conscious. Then I just really let it all out and lay down on the ground ground and just bawled and yelled and screamed and let God get to my depths and heal deep yuckyness. Then I started to have stirrings of seeing things in my minds eye.  I had to focus to see it, but I started to feel like I was in the throne room in heaven and I was aware of there being rows of something going a long distance on either side of the throne....I don't know or remember what it was., though I think it may have been angels or people at a table or something. And then I started to just feeeeeeel that I was closer to breaking through some of that invisible layer more than ever before, I was aware of angels around me. But I was focused on seeing Jesus. And I felt as if I sort of saw a void of a face for a moment . It was just brightness, but there was a face there. Did I see you God? How dare I discount that. Ahhhh! I saw you! I want more! But thank you! And at that point I did feel super overwhelmed and was bawling and gasping and taken aback. And I felt like when I was in front of the throne that my face was lifted up and I was kissed.  The cheek by Jesus. Wow. Then I was standing on an ocean and it was night. I felt it was the sea of glass. But it was night and there was incredibly bright shining moon. At one point that sea changed to a different sea and I saw an island at a distance still at night.
Then I saw myself sort of hovering over the ocean in Pemba with an angel on my left and right, and a bunch of angels above me and we were all focusing our attention on the church on the Pemba base, where we have our Jewelrymaking class and discipleship. Then I heard these phrases:
" You are dancing on the waters, and sing over the makua bride." (repeated over and over) then “paint and oil as blood and water paint and oil as blood and water” “Don’t be afraid I am with you I am with you I have prepared a place for you I have prepared a way through the wilderness”Then I heard Him tell me to put on new white robes, and that I am no longer a child, but an adult - a woman.
All these things are significant to me, though they may seem confusing.One thing to know is that my calling to teach and love the women in Pemba can be intimidating to me sometimes. This last part was AMAZING comfort from the Lord in this regard. The part about dancing over the waters and singing over hte Makua bride, I really think alludes to a prophetic word I had from David wagner last year:  "The Lord says, I put the same thing inside of you that’s inside of me that was present on the day of creation when I hovered over the earth – in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...and the spirit of God hovered, and if you study the word hovered, youll find that one means that he danced over the earth, one means he flew over  the earth, one means he sat over the earth and one means he sung over the earth and all of it is CREATIVITY, and I just saw you hovering and dancing and skipping over things and then speaking the masterpiece into existence"

 AMAZING correlation, don't you think?? I sure do! I didn't think about it until a couple of days after, trying to figure out what that phrase and picture meant. 
Now, the blood and water like paint and oil, is a little more confusing. But here's what I think: Obviously blood and water is what came from Jesus' side on the cross and it symbolizes our sins being covered. God has been speaking a lot about painting (I paint with oil paints) recently. I want to try and do some painting with the women in Pemba when I'm there this time. I think God is emphasizing the HEALING nature that painting will have for these women. Or even the healing nature that there is simply when I paint.


So - that's as much as I can explain, I believe- other than the fact that I was so messed up in the best possible sense, after this experience. I couldn't walk that night, and my sister had to help me get to bed. It was such an intense and amazing experience, and I crossed a threshold of closeness to the lord and to heaven, that I've never crossed before!!!!


thank you for reading, and I hope it encourages you, as well excites you like it excites me, how much God is working on my behalf to show me that I'M GOING THE RIGHT DIRECTION!! He has truly called me to Pemba, and to do ART! COULD IT BE ANY MORE CLEAR? :)