Victoria

This is what I'm made for. This is why I'm here. I want to forget everything I've ever thought thats petty and self focused or any worry and just hug this girl and love her. God has made me unsatisfied for anything but this. And that is being lost in the village, hugging and kissing and singing songs with, and holding her in my arms - my dying friend, Victoria, emaciated from AIDS. Trying to get this into words is feeling horribly less than adequate. Victoria didn't look like herself, and couldn't even talk when I first saw her on my visit on Wednesday. I was so startled and taken aback. I didn't realize she was this sick. She looked like someone off of a commercial for a charity donation, and seemed like a shell of her vibrant, happy, full of personality, incredibly like able self. Is this really the girl who once went and spent and hour picking up tons of tiny seeds in the dirt that I'd wanted to experiment making jewelry with, only then to walk 30 minutes to my house carrying her heavy baby brother, and a big sugar cane to teach me how to make xima? Even then the Xima takes so much strength and constant whipping that only the strong Makua women can do it right. She tried to show me, but she was a lot stronger than me. Is this the girl who loves to dance at church with me and is vivacious, loud, and bursts into Wong everywhere she goes?! That goes to church every night for prayer and loves to tell people about Jesus everywhere she goes? The thing is,I really....REALLY know this girl. And I've never been so close to someone that has become a shell before. I couldnt see Victoria in there until after many hugs, silent tears, prayers, and kisses, she actually started to get more energetic. And even started singing songs with me and correcting my Portuguese in her cheeky manner. We Sang the song I taught her last year: " Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am an have and ever hope to be". And we sang the song she taught me too: "a cada mana, cada misercordia si e nova" every morning your mercies are new." She said to me she thinks she's going to get better because I'm here. Ahh what a thing to say! She said, "I couldn't even talk when you first got here!" she periodically asks me to pull out a pan for her to spit into. She also said she had been wondering if I was going to return to Pemba because I'd been gone so long. She said she had been thinking, "I'm dying and Tetra isn't here." she said she wished that she could have moved in with me wheni got back. And that she could cook while I am teaching during the day. I think that's an amazing idea, and I'm hoping it can still happen. Oh I just want to tell her over and over how much I love her and have missed her. I did keep telling her. She let me feed her some bread. And actually started playing with my hair, As if I was the one who needed some comforting touch. She said I could sleep there if I wanted to, which I'd like to look into. So Kate and nick and I got her to the hospital yesterday to make sure shes getting medicine. It's been a bit confusing because I don't think she has been taking muchup to this point, and she looks incredibly incredibly ill. Today I helped her get home from the hospital and got her to eat some mashed up banana and avacado, hoping theywould give fat and energy. Then I just sat and tried to let her know she wasn't alone and even to have some fun company, singing and laughing together a bit. Funny how holding a dying friend can put a lot of things into perspective. Especially all my "problems". I look at her and think how pampered I can be, and feel ridiculous for ever worrying about my weight...here this girl is looking like she's starving, and I'm always trying to loose weight. All the things that God brought me here to do, I feel like if it were just to be here to love this girl through her healing it's worth my whole life. I now understand completely why God still thought it was a good idea for me to be here. I can't machine her lying in bed wasting away wondering why I haven't returned like i told her I would. I do actually believe she will be healed. Is hard to say things like that and mean them usually. This girl has shown me she has incredible purpose. It's obvious when you're round her that she is going to be a leader in this culture. I don't believe it's the for her life to end. Please pray with me for her.

Victoria

This is what I'm made for. This is why I'm here. I want to forget everything I've ever thought thats petty and self focused or any worry and just hug this girl and love her. God has made me unsatisfied for anything but this. And that is being lost in the village, hugging and kissing and singing songs with, and holding her in my arms - my dying friend, Victoria, emaciated from AIDS. Trying to get this into words is feeling horribly less than adequate. Victoria didn't look like herself, and couldn't even talk when I first saw her on my visit on Wednesday. I was so startled and taken aback. I didn't realize she was this sick. She looked like someone off of a commercial for a charity donation, and seemed like a shell of her vibrant, happy, full of personality, incredibly like able self. Is this really the girl who once went and spent and hour picking up tons of tiny seeds in the dirt that I'd wanted to experiment making jewelry with, only then to walk 30 minutes to my house carrying her heavy baby brother, and a big sugar cane to teach me how to make xima? Even then the Xima takes so much strength and constant whipping that only the strong Makua women can do it right. She tried to show me, but she was a lot stronger than me. Is this the girl who loves to dance at church with me and is vivacious, loud, and bursts into Wong everywhere she goes?! That goes to church every night for prayer and loves to tell people about Jesus everywhere she goes? The thing is,I really....REALLY know this girl. And I've never been so close to someone that has become a shell before. I couldnt see Victoria in there until after many hugs, silent tears, prayers, and kisses, she actually started to get more energetic. And even started singing songs with me and correcting my Portuguese in her cheeky manner. We Sang the song I taught her last year: " Jesus, all for Jesus, all I am an have and ever hope to be". And we sang the song she taught me too: "a cada mana, cada misercordia si e nova" every morning your mercies are new." She said to me she thinks she's going to get better because I'm here. Ahh what a thing to say! She said, "I couldn't even talk when you first got here!" she periodically asks me to pull out a pan for her to spit into. She also said she had been wondering if I was going to return to Pemba because I'd been gone so long. She said she had been thinking, "I'm dying and Tetra isn't here." she said she wished that she could have moved in with me wheni got back. And that she could cook while I am teaching during the day. I think that's an amazing idea, and I'm hoping it can still happen. Oh I just want to tell her over and over how much I love her and have missed her. I did keep telling her. She let me feed her some bread. And actually started playing with my hair, As if I was the one who needed some comforting touch. She said I could sleep there if I wanted to, which I'd like to look into. So Kate and nick and I got her to the hospital yesterday to make sure shes getting medicine. It's been a bit confusing because I don't think she has been taking muchup to this point, and she looks incredibly incredibly ill. Today I helped her get home from the hospital and got her to eat some mashed up banana and avacado, hoping theywould give fat and energy. Then I just sat and tried to let her know she wasn't alone and even to have some fun company, singing and laughing together a bit. Funny how holding a dying friend can put a lot of things into perspective. Especially all my "problems". I look at her and think how pampered I can be, and feel ridiculous for ever worrying about my weight...here this girl is looking like she's starving, and I'm always trying to loose weight. All the things that God brought me here to do, I feel like if it were just to be here to love this girl through her healing it's worth my whole life. I now understand completely why God still thought it was a good idea for me to be here. I can't machine her lying in bed wasting away wondering why I haven't returned like i told her I would. I do actually believe she will be healed. Is hard to say things like that and mean them usually. This girl has shown me she has incredible purpose. It's obvious when you're round her that she is going to be a leader in this culture. I don't believe it's the for her life to end. Please pray with me for her.

Pemba tomorrow

Back to pemba tomorrow!! Can't really beleive it. HA! What a journey its been to return. Many of you know what sll its involved. Lots of healing, questioning, preparing, waiting, learning, trusting, and strengthening. But here it is! And Its a help to remember all the promises,dreams, visions, ideas and plans God has brought me to remind of the goodness He has prepared. Right now I'm in south Africa. Here's what I wrote yesterday. There's something about Johannesburg that really Brings something to life inside of me. I see the strange problems that are happening here: the black and white having obvious racism in daily life, the township homes that seem like a big cement/brick pile of tiny homes, and everywhere I've been, the workers are black and the buyers of goods etc are white. I don't know if it's because I come from the outside that it's so obviously a huge problem to me, or not. I know many see it as a problem. It's just strange how "progressive" our world can seem to be,until you see the same problems over and over. Of course we have similar problems in the U.S., but I guess at least pretend that we're tring to have equality. I know you can get used to horrible things after a while when you live around them. For example, it doesn't surprise me to hear about the women in Pemba having holes in their roofs, or one bed for themselves and 4 children. Of course I still feel compassion for these scenarios, but I sort of expect the awful truths. I wonder if that's what it's like for people here. To expect the black people to be mistreated. I've been intrigued by townships for years. When I think about them, it stirs something up in me...the desire to see what the culture is like in there, and to break down the separations betweeblack and white. Yesterday I was in a shop and this man was harshly repeating over and over to the black woman teller, "go faster, faster, I need you to go faster." with her ringing and bagging. She seemed to be trying as hard as she could be to move her hands as quickly as possible . She seemed more flustered snd accepting of hos behavior than i would have expected with such treatment, slmost as if she was accepting of his behavior. I looked at my teller and made at a face that would say, "really?!" and she didn't respond. But then I looked st her, said her name on her name tag and said, "Claudia, have a wonderful day." looking into her eyes, desiring that she knew that...that I know she is a person. She had an interesting reaction, she sort of did a "snap out of it" type of thing and looking at me as if she realized i was there, habing been slightly engrossed in what was happening next to her. She looked as if she understood i was sad and feeling compassion for the girl next to her, as well as wanting to break through some sort of barrier between worker and customer. I hope she could see that I was wanting to look through the Junk and just see a person. It was a lovely moment, in which I felt a lot happened under the surface. I had a word last year from David Wagner saying that he saw me being in south Africa in "Coming months" and that he saw me holding black hands and white together making a connection. So interesting that that word coincides with desires that I already have. Probably because God Was actually talking through David Wagner and already knew those desires were in me.  I don't kow how that word is going to happen, but maybe in the small ways that's interact with people and love them today it will.  I have the most amazing opportunity today!! I met an amazing woman yesterday named Juliette who has a booth in a market selling ahead woven jewelry it's her mom Esther ;wo apparently knows every stitch...!) oh Jesus, I fell in love with these two immediately. Very genuine people. Juliette had me sit down. Ext to her hole she was beading. I told her that I do this too. And that it so excited me to watch! And told her about teaching in Mozambique. She actually, then asked me if I would want to learn from her and her mother! I said .....um YES!!! She said that she does it often. And that I can sit and learn with them while they're selling. And that she would only charge 100 rand. Which is a little ore than 10 dollars. I said that's too little...because she was offering to teach from 830 to 5. !! For that little. So I said I'd pay her 200 rands, and that I would loooove to.  I'm on my way there now. ---That was yesterday. Today I'm hanging around trying t get ready for tomorrow. I've bought my bandsaw (YES!) and am haing a lot of trouble figuring out how to get it there, but I will. And I'm going t practice Makua, and try to spend a lot of time with God. Jewelry making yesterday was so amazing'!!!!!! Juliette's mother is the one who taught me everything, and she was such a fun woman. Ok, picture this...sitting in a market, next to a cute little woman whose main language is Zulu and therefore has the classic beautiful African accent ( pronouncing words like " seelva" instead of "silver"), behind us are all of the amazing NDBELE beading pieces that she sells, there aren't many customers so I get to see the real life's of the market stall owners - all chatting in Zulu, laughing, sharing their beans rice and chicken lunches. I learn a few words like thank you and hello (thank you sounds like cowabunga haha - its "ngyabunga") and also find out that word for learning is almost the same as in Makua ."ofunda". Her friends kept coming up to chat and I'd here them saying spring about me, learning, and I'd perk up and say "ofunda"! They'd laugh! Haha - you now me, I love using little words I learn to rattle people's cages and get them to know I care about their culture. It was launch a lovely time. Though my Mac started to really hurt after a few hours. I can forget to move when I'm really getting into something crafty. And I was looking down the whole time. Esther showed me sme tricks I hadn't known before, and I learned two stitches. Ahhh....what a great gift God gave me. As I head to Pemba tomorrow here are the things I feel: - a surreal feeling like I don't realllly understand that I'll be there. - excited to see my family of sorts there!! - nervous about...all that I've been through since last time and hoping anda believing thatGod really has prepared me to be ready to be on the Mission field again - excited about the coconut class - and somehow not feeling prepared as much as I think i "should" be for the amount of time I've been preparing to be there. A lost of those things are ridiculous. Would you please pray with me that I'll forget the ridiculous, and hold on to the truth and joy of Gods faithfulness? I realized something this morning: comparing how I feel now to how I felt when with my family for the last couple of weeks...I realize that I sort of feel like I'm "on my own". When with my dad and siblings, I know that I have a bad up of sorts if I have any problems, or even don't have enough provision...whatever, if I have any worries I felt safe and provided for. So how is it that I've forgotten that God does those things for me as well? I should actually feel no worried or anxieties if I wasn't living uner some lie that says I can't trust God to provided everything I need. I don't like that!! God, please restore to me a perfect trust in your goodness and faithfulness to me! I do haven't, I just have to chose it sometimes. And it's good that I realized that I wasn't..believing that right now! S0,I thank you for your prayers! I can't WAIT to hug all the amazing beautiful Friends waiting for me in Pemba Ahhh!!!!!! Filomena, victoria, Emilda, messiajse, here I come!!! Love you all Tetra

A little sharing of why and how I'm in Scamdinavia and how...God is good

My experience of 5 days in England that I just finished reinforces my conviction to always be obedient to the Lords promptings. It was such an incredible blessing and such amazing preparation for these days of intense ministering that im walking into. I am now believing that this current part of travel in Scandinavia with my family and community choir prove to be fruitful and covered inJesus' promise and goodness as well. Its REALLy been on my heart (probably because i always want my heart to be understood, and never want anyone to feel taken advantage of or disrespected. I know so many have probably not understood why I haven't gotten to Pemba yet), to explain why ive gone on this trip even though it seems counter-intuitive to me getting to Pemba. Would you allow me to share those reasons, and get to know me and allow me to tell you how I just HAVe to follow Jesus! And that I truly desire to honor my family of Christian brothers and sisters who do such an amazing job of supporting me emotionally and spiritually? Thank you! The situation in which I ended up traveling before getting to Pemba is this: Over the months of January through march I was, trying to be patient, and hopeful while waiting to have response to my question to the pemba base leaders : did they agree lthat it was good timing for me to be back in Pemba in April.  I was glad to be where I was (in the U.S in a season of healing, growing, and preparation), but I felt a lot of....i felt unsettled not knowing when I would be leaving. One of the issues was that I couldn't get ahold of anyone because many of the leaders were on much needed vacations (had no email responses for around 2 months!)  Another thing that was in the mix for me was that my family had convinced me at Christmas that I should be on the, possibly final, 6 year annual family trip as it could be one of the last chances to be together unencumbered. The plan was that we would sing in the big performance with my dad's Master Choral community choir and orchestra in Scandinavia, and then add 5 days to that to be just family in Russia (none of us have been there, and have always wanted to go).  Obviosuly i was worried about this travelling conflicting with my prompting to be back in Pemba as soon as God made way for me to return and saving money to do so, . My dad was the biggest in helping me make the decision to go on the journey despite those worries. After I explained my worries and how I just didn't know if this type of trip would be wise for me with trying to save money for Africa, and me not wanting to accept him paying for it (he always wants to) He said, "tetra, you always try to say no to my gifts- just accept it."This almost sounded like Something Daddy God was trying to get me to understand as well.  And as we were all emotionally talking it through, I started to see how important this is; being with my family and making time for them. If I can't love my family well, how can I love the poor well? My siblings all wanted me to as well. So it was decided that dad would make the way for it to happen and pay for me to be there. It's such an honor and blessing, and of course I feel as I I don't deserve it....and I don't.but just like our amazing heveanly father, He wants to "lavish" love on me. Wow. Thank you dad.  My plan that I felt God give the "go ahead" for was to go to Pemba in April, and then meet my family in Scandinavia or Russia and then return to Pemba after and continue on in Pemba for another 6 months. But, I didn't get word back from Pemba for...a very long time. Sometimes communication can be difficult with the base, unfortunately. So once I did get ahold of leaders there, it was too late to get there in April. They thought it wisest for me to come after the family trip, to make it less complicated. I agreed that this was wise!  With that extra time, along with doing jewelry classes and being with friend, i decided to see if I would be able to spend time with my close friend Sophie in England as I new that a round trip ticket from Nashville to London would be the cheapest way to get to Pemba  (I found a $ 50 flight to Denmark, and it was overall probably. $200 cheaper that way than getting one way tickets to Denmark then to south africa - I know,it's complicated - but trust me it was cheaper hallelujah!)  With all travel decisions I talked to God about it. Given the calling that God has so clearly defined in my life with the repetitive words regarding travel "all over the globe"' I've started to learn what it feels like when God is putting a trip on my heart, and that there will be great purpose for it, even if I don't know what it is. I first felt this with my huge prompting to go to Pemba for the harvest school, followed by my trips like going to the iris reunion in California ( one of the most spirit lead, miraculous journeys in which I went with ,a one way ticket and had completely miraculous provision at exactly the ,right times through the whole trip and DID make it home in the end), and my trip to one thing cinference this last New years that so affected me in amazing amazing ways. I had this feeling about going to visit Sophie. I knew with my mind that Sophie is a huge encouragement to me in being simple: loving Jesus. I also knew that...I love her! And that ,we had so much amazing time together with  the women in pemba last summer (she wssin the harvest school, and volumteered eith our jewelry class) what I felt in the Spirit was a "go" , a peace, and a provision. These are usually my signs to make me know that it's the right decision. Basic, simple - simple faith and trusting daddy God.  So, that leads me to the actual england trip....  Oh Jesus. I love you. He did have good things planned for both sophie and i that were so invaluable. It will be hard for me to put into words the level of importance, but it truly was. God has been so faithful and so good to me, but one of thelast puzzle pieces in being ready for Pemba has been this: i really have been struggling with feeling a distance in my intimacy with Jesus. This is so incredibly important in ministry and In Pemba. Wheni first arrived, I was so happy to be with her, but seriously felt dull, and a bit...just down. I explained to Sophie how I haven't been feeling close to Jesus and haven't been feeling like myself as much, even though God has been giving me visions and encounters with His presence- I was missing JESUS. Oh, by the way, Sophie just happens to live in a CHRISTIAN RETREAT CENTER in An incredibly beautiful part of England by the sea. The scenery includes amazing incredible old gardens, trees, cliffs, and old charming homes. The center has an amazing peace that you can feel walking on the premises. And, God was so right about being around Sophie - her simple love for Jesus is so contagious. She reminded me of how to just look at Jesus and Jesus alone. That's the point of all this, folks. It really is! If you don't feel like you feel close to Jesus, himself, ask Him how you can get to Him. Try spending time just internally looking at Jesus, and not the rest of the...stuff.   Wow. How amazing it is, the way it feels to be close to the lord. It's as if I was Slowly having a film of plastic coating pulled off of me over those first few days in Norfolk. Sophie and I prayed for each other one night, and she has this amazing prophetic wod for me about Angels taking me by force out of a house of "doubt" and bringing me into hope. You have no idea how accurate a picture that is of how I'd been feeling and how much I felt I just needed outside help to force me out of the funk. That night I had a dream in which I was in my old house from high school. The house I went through parents divorcing,  mom remarrying, siblings moving out and leaving me the only child for the first time. In the dream there were s many details about the house that I hadn't remembered in real life for years, like the exact type of blinds I had in my bed room and the color of our bathtub. Ha! My dreams are never so accurate. In the dream, a tornado came and knocked the house down around me and my sister. The dream ended in a girl from grace center teaching me and sme others that had survived the tornado some ballet dance moves. I know it sounds all a little strange,but let me tell you; this dream so excited me!! It was is if Sophie's word over me had bee reiterate by God in this dream, and I so i felt Gods hand and encouragement in the dream. (I felt the significance was that God was the tornado, He wrecked the "old" things, and the old me,I.e. my old house and fears and pains, and then I learned how to dance again. I was forced out of my house of doubt and brought into hope and new things).  I can't tell you how much I remembered that 1. GOD IS REAL AND SPEAKS CLEARLY. Wow - I so felt like God was speaking right to me and was astounded nc again by His reality. 2. I remembered how simple it is to love and trust in Jesus, and how that's all my life is truly about.  I've felt so different sicne then. Ahhh - it's so nice to spend time with my Jesus. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness. Thank you Jesus for all that you do, and will do and what you're going to do for my friends in Pemba through me and through our love. I also got to really encourage Sophie by processing through some of her experiences in Pemba through talking about the women etc, I started to remember how much God has put the women on my heart, has so brought me into a love and understanding for their culture, and how He has asked me to fight for these some that not many are fighting for. Oh, I'm SO ready to see their breakthroughs in this season!! YES So many other loly rings happened whilei was there as well. I'll let you imagine the rest. The trip I'm now on, I'm really looking forward to seeing Gods goodness reign. I can't wait to see the little nuggets and amazing things God has for my family in this time. And I'm loving allowing God to let me sme of the people in this choir as well, whom I don't know very well.  Thank you for letting me share, and for supporting me even when the way that I've been going about things just looks different than most missionaries. Good things God is so encouraging to me about the fact that its ok that my life looks different. He has said s many times through other people that's have anincredibleunique calling, an incredibly unique ministry, and not to ever feel lesser, because God planned and intended it to be this way.  I'll bein Pemba very soon - thank you for walking with me, and paring for me, supporting me, walking through my real life STUFF, and allowing me to be a daughter of the King who is learning how to trust and obey!  Love you all, tetra

Dreams, Visions, prophetic words = GO TO PEMBA!

Hello everyone! God has been doing amazing things as usual. As you know, Im leaving in 2 weeks to go out of the country, starting with a trip with a chamber choir and orchestra that Im going to be singing with in Scandanavia, then followed by my retrun to Pemba, Mozambique where I’lll be continuing to teach Jewelry making to the widows and moms there, as well as begin a new and smaller class where we make jewelry out of coconut shells (a local resource yay!).

God has been doing a TON to get me prepared. I feel like every time I’m at church He is doing something life changing. I have a bunch of stories that I haven’t been sharing about what He’s been doing – and I wanted to share a couple. (Some of you may have been wondering what He’s been doing, because you’ve seen me at church wailing my guts out and looking pretty weird – well HERE’S THE EXPLANATION!!)

I’ll start with what happened this last weekend At the “More” Conference at Grace Center:

I went through a “fire tunnel” which is just a funny way of saying that a lot of people pray for you at one time, and it somehow ends up being way more impactful . I started feeling God’s presence incredibly strongly and it was overwhelming. I couldn’t walk after walking just part of the way through this line of prayers, and I my arms were  kind of faliling around uncontrollably! I had to get on the ground, and I felt like I was just being filled with electric shockwaves and It made me want to shout as loud as I could so that I wouldn’t just burst open! I noticed that the noises I was making sounded like I was in pain, almost like childbirth pains, but I wasn’t feeling any pain. I also felt like I HAD to take quick short breaths, also like in childbirth. It was definitely strange…but I’m getting used to how strange God can be when He brings me incredible breakthroughs and Revelations. Just like it was incredibly strange in the Pentecost for different languages to be spoken, flames of fire to be on their heads, and for people to think they were drunk even though it was 10 in the morning. I then had a picture in my head, and saw myself pregnant with a globe in my stomach. It was such a vivid picture. I heard the Lord say that I was pregnant with the Nations.

Then I saw a black child (in my mind’s eye). I heard the say the phrase: “THE FIRST OF MANY NATIONS”. And I knew that I was birthing Mozambique as the first of many Nations that God is calling me to.  This lines up with many things that God has said to me before, including : “You are God’s gypsy, and your people group are without border and without number.” (my friend Deb’s Ford said this when she prayed for me)…“Through your meekness you are inheriting the earth; Everywhere you go is your inhereitence, and you’re taking land”. (Jan Wigley) “I saw many world travels around the world –east to west, and north to south and kind up into – its going to be like deposits of culture and deposits of the divine” (David Wagner)  “I saw you running across the earth with children and people – you were wearing a dress with native shoes – and you were running across the earth in the dirt and the barren places bringing the love of Jesus and the heart of the Lord.” (Grace Center prophetic team)…”there is much ground that you are going to cover with the lord. And as you go through this territory…there are mutli colors all over you and as you walk the colors flow off of you. The Lord has given you these colors that are going to leave the mark where you’ve been; Where there’s been brown places with no color and its been barren, you will leave your mark -people are going to know the Lord, and that the colors of the lord are going to be left behind. (Grace Center prophetic team)”

 Mozambique, is mine and it's first of  my many nations!!! Hurray!!

The second thing I want to share, is a little more...strange and an intimate experience for me. But I think it's HUGE in my life. It's hard to find words for thnigs like this, but here goes:

A few weeks a go at church, we had an amazing night. The speaker,was talknig about being hungry for the Lord, and how she had felt as if her hunger had been fading, but recently God had stirred her up in a "personal revival". I related to this incredibly. she had us shout the words "Wakey wakey" over ourselves, even though it felt incredibly silly, it IMMEDIATELY affected me, and I felt like I was going to explode with god's presence. I started yelling the liudest I ever have in church and felt like I had to or I would just burst! Here is some of what I journaled the next morning - 

"I remember my complete lack of inhibitions when I spent 3 weeks at the revival in Kansas in 2010 and at my harvest school and ive forgotten that kind of inhibition. Im taking it back and claiming the childlikeness.

Last night I was able to do it for the first time since being in Iris culture – woooow. I realize that part of the thing that’s affected me has been not being in that culture. But also because of having to return to my “daily life” after the Harvest school, I can see that I was discouraged and disappointed by having to not let God do things in me due to my circumstances. This is why I have to stop having apologies for what God is doing in me. Heidi Baker doesn’t apologize for looking strange in her complete abandonment to loving the lord, and that’s why she’s so close to Him. This is what Im going to do too. No more apologies.

Last night I felt God's presence so incredibly, and got so much closer to heaven than I have EVER before.

 And I feel like I saw angels all around me. I was sooo close to seeing Him, and I even think I was in heaven.I had a memory of when I was in the prayer hut in Pemba and how I got really really close to heaven for the first time, close to a vision. And I started to feel that same way but a step further last night – I got sooo hungry for heaven and so close. I think I was there."

Soon after this yelling ensued, I started BAWLING. bawliong because I was hungry for the Lord and wanted more hunger and was so sad that anything would have cut me short from getting CLOSE to HIM! Here's an explanation of what was going on internally:

At first I just felt something breaking as if dullness were being torn a part and passions reignited (accompanied by yelling that was somewhat ridiculous). Then I just started having all of these realizations of how I've allowed things to affect me - disappointment, doubt, fear of man judgement. And God so stirred up my hunger as in the days of the beginning when I was falling in love with Jesus. And then I started to realize how much I was struggling with the awareness that people could hear me yelling and wailing my guts out and I had a false compassion on them - worrying that they would stumble because I was so strange. That I realized was really just a fear of man. I moved to the back of the roomso I could be less self conscious. Then I just really let it all out and lay down on the ground ground and just bawled and yelled and screamed and let God get to my depths and heal deep yuckyness. Then I started to have stirrings of seeing things in my minds eye.  I had to focus to see it, but I started to feel like I was in the throne room in heaven and I was aware of there being rows of something going a long distance on either side of the throne....I don't know or remember what it was., though I think it may have been angels or people at a table or something. And then I started to just feeeeeeel that I was closer to breaking through some of that invisible layer more than ever before, I was aware of angels around me. But I was focused on seeing Jesus. And I felt as if I sort of saw a void of a face for a moment . It was just brightness, but there was a face there. Did I see you God? How dare I discount that. Ahhhh! I saw you! I want more! But thank you! And at that point I did feel super overwhelmed and was bawling and gasping and taken aback. And I felt like when I was in front of the throne that my face was lifted up and I was kissed.  The cheek by Jesus. Wow. Then I was standing on an ocean and it was night. I felt it was the sea of glass. But it was night and there was incredibly bright shining moon. At one point that sea changed to a different sea and I saw an island at a distance still at night.
Then I saw myself sort of hovering over the ocean in Pemba with an angel on my left and right, and a bunch of angels above me and we were all focusing our attention on the church on the Pemba base, where we have our Jewelrymaking class and discipleship. Then I heard these phrases:
" You are dancing on the waters, and sing over the makua bride." (repeated over and over) then “paint and oil as blood and water paint and oil as blood and water” “Don’t be afraid I am with you I am with you I have prepared a place for you I have prepared a way through the wilderness”Then I heard Him tell me to put on new white robes, and that I am no longer a child, but an adult - a woman.
All these things are significant to me, though they may seem confusing.One thing to know is that my calling to teach and love the women in Pemba can be intimidating to me sometimes. This last part was AMAZING comfort from the Lord in this regard. The part about dancing over the waters and singing over hte Makua bride, I really think alludes to a prophetic word I had from David wagner last year:  "The Lord says, I put the same thing inside of you that’s inside of me that was present on the day of creation when I hovered over the earth – in the beginning God created the heavens and the earth...and the spirit of God hovered, and if you study the word hovered, youll find that one means that he danced over the earth, one means he flew over  the earth, one means he sat over the earth and one means he sung over the earth and all of it is CREATIVITY, and I just saw you hovering and dancing and skipping over things and then speaking the masterpiece into existence"

 AMAZING correlation, don't you think?? I sure do! I didn't think about it until a couple of days after, trying to figure out what that phrase and picture meant. 
Now, the blood and water like paint and oil, is a little more confusing. But here's what I think: Obviously blood and water is what came from Jesus' side on the cross and it symbolizes our sins being covered. God has been speaking a lot about painting (I paint with oil paints) recently. I want to try and do some painting with the women in Pemba when I'm there this time. I think God is emphasizing the HEALING nature that painting will have for these women. Or even the healing nature that there is simply when I paint.


So - that's as much as I can explain, I believe- other than the fact that I was so messed up in the best possible sense, after this experience. I couldn't walk that night, and my sister had to help me get to bed. It was such an intense and amazing experience, and I crossed a threshold of closeness to the lord and to heaven, that I've never crossed before!!!!


thank you for reading, and I hope it encourages you, as well excites you like it excites me, how much God is working on my behalf to show me that I'M GOING THE RIGHT DIRECTION!! He has truly called me to Pemba, and to do ART! COULD IT BE ANY MORE CLEAR? :)

I'm going!!!

Here it is everyone! The news you’ve been waiting for! …

I really am going to Pemba! And Im leaving Nashville June 21^st, and after doing some exciting things with my family en route to Pemba, I will arrive to Pemba between July 7^th and 10^th (depending on flights)!!

I will be in Pemba 6 months continuing to work with the amazing and beautiful Makua women, the widows and single mothers teaching Jewelry-making and discipling. I am hoping to begin work with other types of Jewelry-making as well, using the natural resources that the beaches offer us as well as the trees! 

I want to truly thank each of you for waiting patiently with me and giving me the freedom to be obedient to the Lord by waiting in this time. Thank you for your prayers, support and all that you’ve done for me. And most importantly, thank you for allowing your heart to be caught by what God’s putting on mine; Thank you for being interested in what God is using me for, and for letting your heart break with me over these women who so need to know God’s love and learn that He is their Father.

My plan for these two or so months before returning to the amazing Pemba, are to continue to allow God to work in and prepare me for ministry, as well as continue to learn Jewelry-making techniques (I just found a school in Nashville that teaches bead-weaving, wire-wrapping and bead-stringing! I’m going to take as many of these courses as I can afford and have time for!!!!) I am continuing to try and learn how to manipulate coconut shells and make jewelry with them (if you know of any good resources or anyone who makes coconut shell jewelry, please let me know!). I have begun to start learning Makua, the local dialect that isn’t a written language without even a Bible completely translated. I’m learnining it with the help of an amazing man from the Pemba area who actually speaks english and has moved to the U.S.; our classes are over Skype, and I am having the TIME OF MY LIFE learning it!!! I am also practicing Portuguese, so I’m technically learning two languages! HA!

I n this time, I feel it’s really important to HAVE FUN with my friends, like YOU! So, let me know if you’d like to get together in this time when I’m home!

Financially, I am very close to my original goal! I was estimating that I need about 600 or 700 dollars a month for food and hospitality (I love sharing meals with my friends that don’t have much food and rarely have meat or treats), communication with family (internet and phone), communication with Iris co-workers (a huge necessity), and transportation around the city (I’m planning on getting a bike to be able to travel more efficiently).  I am at this point going to have about 550 a month including supporters that I have and what I have raised and saved.  It would be really helpful to have closer to 600 or 700 a month, but  I am SO THANKFUL for the amount that I’ve saved , raised and am receiving !!!

Prayer points:

-          Please pray that I can find ways to be prepared for the teaching: I want to be able to tackle the coconut Jewelry-making, but I really don’t know the best ways to make many pieces efficiently, and don’t know many people or resources that teach how to make Coconut Jewelry-making. I also feel that my experience with metals, isn’t as helpful as beading and wire experience would be, so please pray I will learn all that I need to in order to help the ladies learn good techniques.

-          Please pray for strengthening of my abilities to lead and disciple: I really want to disciple the women well. Please pray that God will give me ideas of things that they will be able to relate to that also helps them to mature and grow in their relationship with Jesus.

-          Please pray that God will continue healing and growth in me: I had an amazing time in Pemba last year, but it was difficult in many ways. I realized many areas of undealt with hurt and insecurities in me that hindered me freely walking into the destiny and person God has planned for me to have and be. Please pray that God continues to use this time to continue that work in me and heal wounds and reveal His truth about who I am in Him! One area that I specifically see His finger on is where I find strength and comfort; I want God to be my one and only source, and I see myself run to things like food or entertainment instead of Him often. That isn’t what I want, and especially doesn’t help on the mission field. I really want breakthrough with this!!

-          Finally, direction: I feel myself wondering about the long-term direction of my life, and though God has given many amazing specific outlines for long-term, such as: “the creativity inside of you is the same creativity that God used in creating the earth”,  I’m going to have involvement in “Arts and fashion industry; this is tied to releasing others from bondage”, “you are able to see the unloved, forgotten and broken, and love them well”, “you are God’s gypsy. You’re to be travelling all over the world, possessions will never hold you back, and your people group is without number”.  Yet, my practical brain is wondering about whether I need more schooling in Jewelry making, and/or education. And I’m also wondering about what’s next after this 6 months. I know that God has an amazing plan, and as I’m obedient, He will continue to have me exactly in the right place at the right time as He has been, but I also want to make wise decisions. I see myself teaching Jewelry-making all over the world and at different Iris bases, and see Pemba as a training ground for that, but I don’t know the practicals!

-          Thank you all, again - Love you!

If you feel God prompting you to give monthly or one time you can give here:
give tax-deductible online: https://miraculouslove.com/tetra/ (sorry the Bio needs an update!)
 or mail to this address (Miraculous love ministries in the memo line and indicate for Tetra):
P.O. Box 1543
Franklin, TN 37064

-           

My sister Lauren is going to the Harvest School!!

Lauren Brown, my beautiful friend with a beautiful heart is going to Pemba!

Huts in Mozambique close to Pemba area

Hello dear friends and loved ones!

I wanted to share with you that one of my amazing friends, or spiritual sister/daughter, Lauren Brown, is going to Pemba for the Harvest School this summer!!!! She and I have walked through a lot together. I met her last year on a choir trip in Europe, and we were drawn to eachother by Missions. I also thank the Lord that He used me as an example to her of something that she was really desiring: the Holy Spirit and an intimacy with Jesus that brings freedom and joy! She told me that she could see that there was something different in me, that there was a joy that I didn't seem to strive for. I was able to tell her that those deep yearnings in her heart for a closer and more REAL relattionship with God exists and was made for her as part of our inheritence (Ephesians 1:14)!! We talked about the relation to all of this and Missions, and I got to share with her that God has so shown me that it's through intimate and close relationship with Him that we are able to love others or do anything of the adventurous Missions things that should be really difficult in the natural. 

God has been giving her those desires of her heart, and then some! Including sending her to Mozambique! He has opened the doors in a big way, and I’m so excited for her! and we have been so excited to see the ways God has been preparing her for such an amazing time and experience that God prepared just for her!!

Would you join me in being excited with her and being a supportive family for her through this journey of getting to Pemba!  I know how difficult it is to stand in faith going through the process of getting there, with the hurdles of getting a visa, shots, preparing for lifestyle change of being in Africa etc.

She has some deadlines for payments that I'd love you to join me in believing for. She has one TODAY for buying her plane tickets and another deadline coming  up in about 2 weeks for her tuition payment. Please pray with me for the money to come in!

Please pray this in with us:

-$400 by the end of today!!

- Around $3000 more over the next couple of weeks!

Here is some of her testimony and also sharing a bit of why she is going to the Harvest school. It also has her contact information, and you can find her on Facebook if you'd like to follow her on her journey to get there! More than anything, I feel I'd like to offer her some friendships with people that I know PRAY! And I believe many of you that read my blog will do so! So will you join me in praising the Lord for getting Lauren to Pemba and changing her entire paradigm!

Here are some of Lauren's words:

  Last summer, I accepted freedom in Christ for the first time, and this is an excerpt from that night’s journal entry:

“Yahweh has adorned my head with jewels of adoration!  After a lifetime of feeling completely inadequate, I finally feel enabled.  Equipped.  Empowered.   To be humble is not to be ashamed. To be humble is not to be timid.  To be humble is to bow.  It is to weep. It is to yearn for something more.  It is the realization of something beyond myself.  It is sweet liberation! From mountains to mountains I will run.  Over rough terrain, I will run!”

            The moment I decided to let go of myself and grab hold of God, everything changed.  Before Jesus ascended into heaven in Acts 1:8, He told His disciples, “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you, and you will be my witnesses both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and even to the remotest part of the earth.”   My life has been turned inside out by the power of God within me!

            The Lord recently led me to apply for Heidi Baker’s Harvest School of Ministry, so I did.  This school provides 10 weeks of in-depth missionary training while serving the people of Pemba, a city in Mozambique, Africa.   Due to the small amount of housing available at this mission base, only 350 out of 5,000 applicants were accepted.  The Lord has opened this door wide, and I am ready to run with arms wide open!  This is the mission of Harvest School of Missions:

“Called to LOVE.  It costs everything.  It’s passion and compassion.  Extravagant

love that gives without expecting back.  A laid down life.  A love that looks like something practical.  It is a huge vision that is changing the world person by

person and nation by nation.” 

I am honored to proclaim the healing power of Christ to a hurting world.  There is hope, and I am excited for the opportunity to be sharpened, equipped, encouraged, humbled, and taught.  In the name of Jesus, I will run!

I am thankful for the light you have been in my life, and it is my hope that you might ask the Lord how you can support me in this season.  The cost of this trip is $7,000, and the value of your prayer is priceless.  I pray that you will be filled with joy and peace that can only be found in Christ!

Love,

Contact Information:         Lauren Brown                                   Email:  lmbrown@mail.trevecca.edu

333 Murfreesboro Pike                    Cell:  731-394-3878

TNU Box 735

Nashville, Tennessee 37210